Thursday, June 10, 2010

Pride-It Knocked Me off my High Horse

Let me tell you about something that give you a peak at my oh so selfish nature. You see this Princess nearly gets her tiara knocked right off her head because of PRIDE. Oh yes, pride. That nasty five letter word is something I just realized I have been working on for months. Hmm.. what a revelation (writing generally pulls my thoughts all together). Anyways, I have been in this deep season of spiritual growth that honestly takes it right out of me. But about a month ago when things began to improve and life was a little less dreary, I began to think "Look at me, I am making it through this." A fine thing to think, I feel, assuming it doesn't go to your head. Well this Princess began shining her tiara a little too soon and her hair got a little too big because WHAM, I got knocked straight off my high horse. Let me tell you.
God had plans. Plans I was not even expecting. Upon a divine appointment I was prayed for by this couple at a service at my church. It was a Wednesday night service for those who had a hunger to go deeper in this series we had. Harmless right? I wanted to increase my faith and when I asked God who I should have pray over me He did not hesitate to reveal that to me. So, with anticipation in my heart I stepped straight into this divine appointment not knowing it would involve a nice fall off of my horse. Unbeknownst to me I had gotten very comfortable on this stallion of mine. I felt like I was running through an open meadow controlling towards the sunset in freedom. Oh no, God had different plans. This man who prayed over me happened to be a pastoral counselor and the words that him and his lovely wife spoke over me moved my heart. The hunger for more of sweet Jesus began. Upon being invited for yet more counseling by this kind pastor I made an appointment. Innocent, and still on my horse I arrive. I was excited to share with him how far I had come in this battle that I had been waging. Emphasis on the "I". Forgetting to acknowledge that I was literally carried out of the woods by My Prince Jesus. So I expose to Pastor where I have been and how I felt like I was making huge improvements. I was feeling like I was arriving in this new place that came with a whole lot more stability (to a point). Pastor hands me this piece of paper with his eyes shining and says "I want you to work through these scriptures. Determine if you believe the truth, or if you have replaced it with a lie." This list long list with tiny font is a list of "Who I am in Christ". No big deal, right? A growing gal like me should fly through this list. Being my eager, type A, determined personality I rush home and sit in my prayer closet and think "Jesus, I know I have made so much growth. I can't wait to get into this. I am sure that I believe most of these things on this list."
BAM!!! There it was. The moment I should have stopped teasing my hair. I let go of the reigns and the horse bucked me off. As I sailed through the air, my tiara got tangled up in my huge hair sprayed hair as I hit the ground with a nice thud. The first five verses I dug into I did not truly believe. It was here I was able to see my pride. My veil of pride was removed and humility sunk in.
I realized that I am not the reason I am growing. I am not the reason I am where I am today. He is. And yes, I am growing into the woman of God I want to be, but none of it has been done alone by my power. In that moment I again bowed down before my Prince and let Him place my crown back on my head. I am not His Princess on my own accord, ability or performance. No, he chose me. He walks with me. He leads me and sometimes carries me. And thankfully He continues to teach me.
Humility is a powerful thing. Pride leads to selfish state. When I try to walk into the wilderness alone it never goes well. Pride is the beginning of that. So with a small window into the beginning of the journey I will share here through a computer screen. The growth started with a fall that lead to my Prince reaching down and lifting me up. Are you willing to take his hand?

Jesus- I pray for the people that stumble onto this page. May to you be the glory. My journey has been carefully crafted, redirected and redeemed by You. May others see the dangers of pride and experience the power of growth in humility.

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