Thursday, September 23, 2010

Fall is Here- What season are you in?

Seasons. Can I tell you I am loving the transition into fall? I think I am in love with each of the seasons for totally different reasons. I can honestly say when each one comes it is my favorite at the moment. I know, I am indecisive. But there is something so special about each one I just can't chose. It's like asking this Princess to chose which pair of shoes are her favorite {the polka dot rain boots for April showers, the summer sassy wedges, the fun patten leather flats that match my fall coat, or the boots I live in when it snows}. Naturally the answer is "Duh, I love them all!!! I wear them at different times." Anyways, I love it when I wake up to a cloudy day when fall creeps in and suddenly I can waltz to my closet and pick out a sweater and a scarf. {I may or may not have too much fun getting dressed in the morning-which is new for a former invisible girl--another story}. This is what welcomed me on the first day of fall yesterday. Not only were my senses awakened to the smell of homemade chicken noodles soup and banana chocolate chip cookies, there was a sudden crispness to the air that reminded me of the changing season.

This year for some reason the seasons are hitting more then the normal five senses. You see, most of the time this Princess gets sucked into fall by the feel of the crisp air on her skin, the smell of pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks, the sight of colors of the Colorado aspen's changing to their golden color, the taste of warm homemade apple cider and the sound of the pitter patter of rain drops on the windows. But this year there was a new sense of change with the transitioning of the seasons. God opened my eyes to the seasons of my own life. {Get ready for some ramblings of something that helped me understand my life}

It came about like so many of my God revelations when I was talking to one of my girlfriends. I was chatting with her about the excitement of fall and the question "what season do you think you are in right now?" just popped out. When you spend a lot of time with me you get to know that I am just prone to asking those kinds of questions. She asked me to clarify and I responded with "Well, are you in a summer, fall, winter or spring? And why?" She paused and thought for a moment and then asked me to answer the question first. Normally this Princess is on top of it and has an answer ready, but I could not put my finger on what season God has me in.

You might be about as confused as my dear friend right now. So let me get real with you for a moment and let you get inside my head. I am thinking about the seasons of life. I get these pictures of each one. Maybe because I walked through probably each season emotionally and spiritually this past year I am a little to aquatinted to the changes that occur when you are walking in the season's of the King. I know I know, still vague and convoluted. I'm sure you are thinking "get to the point". Picture this:

Fall- Your life is getting ready to be stripped bare of things as you know it. Relationships are dying. Jobs are changing or so on. I have found that fall for me is usually filled with a sense of loss or pain. There is usually this anticipation of great grief or mourning. Think of this- when autumn arrives things begin to die. While it is a beautiful process it also is a hard one. The life that was once there is now gone. Things have changed and in order for them to be well again they must die. A lot of times this is how I feel at the cross road of something or when I am saying good-bye to someone I imagined loving forever. It is hard because you still remember summer. It is usually a slow process. It also at times means an increased amount of awareness of what needs to change in order for God to move.

Winter- There is a sense of death. This is a place of true mourning. A lot of times you can not see the growth preparing to break through the ice covered ground. And yet there is a great covering of peace if you connect with the King. Much like a cold winter's night you feel the chill and emptiness inside. You cannot see how spring will come. You are deep within the place of grief. But the beauty is much like snow, soft, white and pure the destruction and death during fall is covered and lost. There is a silence but a stillness that is comforting. It at times feels long and the pain can be deep.

Spring- The growth bursts forth. You can see evidence of new life and growth in Him. There is a returning sense of life and change. The labors and pain of the long winter is easing. Things around you are warmer and brighter. It is a time of discovery and exploration. Curiosity and deep sense of awareness of the new things that God is doing in your life is evident. There is a sense of order and purpose in Christ. You really feel like the old has gone and the new is here.

Summer- Thanksgiving, joy and fruit for your labor is evident. There is a peace and wholeness in Him. The world is bright. Things are growing and much has happened since the cycle began. The evidence of winter is far gone, yet it is a memory. There is a life and a fullness around everything. Summer is often when you are standing in the understanding of God's purpose for the seasons. You see the productivity of the pain and can see the redemption and His hand in it all.

Okay- now that I have put you to sleep with my season's madness... or random download that God gave me on a whim, I wonder what season you are in? Where are you in God's cycle of life? I know, it is only fair if I tell you where I am.

Maybe it will make you feel better when I can say it is different for different parts of my life. Overall I am in a summer. I went through a long laborious winter. God felt absent, I felt empty. I could not see past the frost on my windows. There was nothing warm but a blanket to burrow my thoughts and opinions in. I was very hopeless and really believed spring would never come. I cried out for the warmth of my King. I knew He was there but could not feel Him. I could not see what He was up to. There was no labels to the things planted in me and no sight of birds chirping and buds on the trees. This is how I would describe the season I was in about six months ago when depression ravaged and took over my life. As I worked hard to plant the things that God put on my heart. Rested, and in some ways hibernated for the winter I came out into Spring.

I began to see the growth. I felt free from the chilling ice that had deadened my world. Things began to emerge and look new. Life changed. Flowers bloomed. Relationships bloomed. I could see God providing things I never felt would come. Opportunities opened up. But most importantly healing happened. I could see the healing. The fingerprints of His work. His glory. Things started to make sense. I could look at myself and understand my feelings. I didn't have the deep longing to stay in my bed and wish I never had to get out. I emerged excited about the day. That surprised me. I reclaimed a childlike curiosity about what life might bring. I appreciated the people around me and reclaimed God given joy.

So now I am in my summer. Sipping on the cool lemonade that my Prince made me {that looks and tastes more like His word} as I commune with Him as the sun slips down past the horizon. I feel whole. Complete and really just content. But then if you get into some of the ministry things I am working on I feel like I am in a winter. A winter of waiting. The cool snow is blanketed over the ministry and I have to wait for the earth to warm and the flowers to burst forth. Relationship wise I feel like I am in Spring {when I talk relationships this girl is talking about her girls and her mentors}. I am getting to know new friends, learning about their lives and opening up to them. It is exciting and amazing to see God bless me with that. I feel overwhelmed. As for men, dormant and completely in winter. But happy about the winter. Or maybe it's fall there because I am grieving some of the disfunction I have lived {another post down the road}.

Anyways... What's your season??? Where do you feel like God has you??? I think there is beauty and excitement to each one. It means progress and more intimacy with Him.

Welcome to the random thoughts in this Princess' head. :)

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